Director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead, 300) made a lot of comic book fans happy when he decided to make a film adaptation of the graphic novel, The Watchmen. Promising amazing special effects and a plot line that was expected to convey the inner struggle experienced by all super heroes even better than The Dark Knight, viewers rushed to the ticket booths opening day pulling in $55.7 million for its makers.
Unfortunately, this movie epically failed to live up to its hype. The plot line was a non-cohesive blend of narrative, which read more like a rant, from the journal of Rorschach, and scenes thrown together to show what the rest of the Watchmen were up to after retirement. It was like I was watching a more adult themed version of The Incredibles. The movie flashed back way too much it was difficult at times to distinguish between the present and the flashbacks.
The soundtrack was about as schizophrenic as the plot line beaming punk-esque tunes from My Chemical Romance with the folksy vibe of Simon and Garfunkel. One moment actually had Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” as the backdrop to the most uncomfortable, over the top sex scene I have ever witnessed. It was worse than watching a bad softcore porn.
Speaking of bad softcore porns, I have seen enough full frontal male nudity to last a lifetime. The horrors of Dr. Manhattan’s (Billy Crudup) floppy blue penis haunt my dreams. This character was clothed for maybe 10 minutes of the entire movie. I understand that’s how it was in the comics, but perhaps the most unnecessary use of nudity I’ve seen to date.
I do have to give the movie some credit, however. I do think the choice to convey real life characters (JFK, Richard Nixon, and Andy Warhol) and attribute some of the major historical moments (ending of Vietnam, and JFK’s assassination) to the Watchmen was great to watch, even if the characters seemed more like caricatures! (Didn’t Nixon’s nose seem a little TOO big?) Also, I loved the way they paid homage to traditional comic book stylings during the opening credits (newspaper articles, and even “POW!” fight bubbles!). The slow motion fight scenes were the only cinematic victory this film had.
All and all this movie just was not worth the 2 hours and 43 minutes of my life it stole. It seemed as though not many people disagree as everyone seemed to be in a “what the hell just happened” state immediately as the lights popped on. I’d say take a pass on this movie for sure. For what it’s worth I give The Watchmen a 1.5 out of 5.
